those words.

dreams. oh wow. i used to love dreams. couldn't get enough of it. u know why? cuz i dreamt bout my future boyfriend. how he would ask me to be his girlfriend. the things he would do just to get my attention.

but one thing bout those dreams...... i couldn't see his face. it was always hazy. couldn't make it out. all i know was that he was taller than i am.

every night i would ask God to reveal his face to me. then i could have gone all out to search for him. the one that i've been dreaming bout. but it didn't happen. it would be the same every night. a hazy faced guy who would go all out to win my heart.

as the years passed, i've finally found that guy. the hazy faced guy. slowly the dreams changed. it changed into something horrifying, daunting even. it used to be just a spoken word. spoken out casually.

but it has gotten worse in the past month or so. i would be screaming it out (i think i literally scream it out cuz when i wake up, my throat hurts. so not funny!). demanding for it. the dreams has gotten so bad that now a days when i wake up, i thought it was real. i thought it had happened. i would wake up feeling so tired and defeated. don't feel like doing anything at all. don't wanna go on with life and just wanna stay in bed.

sigh. i can't find a way to stop those dreams. i can't. i know why i have them. but i don't know how to stop them. it's out of my control now. i don't know how much longer until it becomes reality.