over the years.

tmr is yf camp
and as i was packing,
i can't help but reminiscence of the past 10 years of yf camp
yes, you read it correctly.
it has been a decade.
i didn't notice it until i started to think about camp.

i started going for camp when i was 12.
over the years,
there were times where i really did NOT want to go for camp.
it was either the place was really dirty
or i didn't know anyone
or just didn't feel like going.

when i was younger,
when it was time for sharing about 'why i came for camp..'
i would have to crack my brains for stuff to share.
it was hard, tough to answer.
in fact, it was hard for me to even open my mouth to speak.
when it came to my turn,
i would just mumble something and pass it to the next person.

and every year...
it would be same.
up until i grew older.
forced to be the 'tai ka che'
because i can never be the small girl that i was,
not allowed to shut up and be quiet.
i had to share, say something, make younger ones feel comfortable.

soon, it was group assistant
then, dorm leader
and next was worship leader.
roles began to change and shift.
it became bigger and bigger.

so ever since i started my diploma,
i either had exams or assignments due during camp
and i would feel weird that i wasn't able to go for full camp.
gone were the days of the issue's: 'going or not going'
now it was: 'why can't i go...?!'

now...
things have also changed.
did not take any major roles because of certain things.
i can't help but face the fact that...
after 10 years or a decade (sounds nicer),
this will be my very last camp
and to add to that,
i get to have the role as a photographer.
to document the special moments in this camp
because i believe that....
many things will change,
and decisions will be made and carried through.


sigh..
writing this post makes me feel sad now
so... on to a happier news


as you know,
christmas is near.
bought my MOST expensive present yet.
why am i so generous you may ask..
guess it is the thing called LOVE.
awww. so cheesy

may i present to you
his early christmas and birthday present

the new touch..
for the best person on earth.

hurdles.

this year is very very different from the rest of the years.
there are more dramas, decisions, and changes.
so far, i'm proud to say that i've passed 1 important hurdle
and have 2 more to go before i get to "enjoy".

this hurdle that i went through was my final year project.
while working in the kindy, i had to collect resources to make a practicum file.
some of the things included were observations and lesson plans.
i've spent countless days and nights working on this never ending file
and finally it's done today!
i've never felt so satisfied.
but there are 2 more hurdles coming my way before i could relax for a while.

Mega 4!

also, it is the school holidays now.
i never thought i would say this but i do miss the children in the kindy.
when i look at the pictures,
i am glad that i got to be a part of their lives for those 3 months.

but for now, i will enjoy the "holiday" that i am blessed to have! =)

more than expected.

plenty of things has been happening.
i'm not really sure whether it's good or bad.
but things has been happening.

*i have 2 more weeks of work then it's HOLIDAY....!
today marks my 240 hours.
me and my friends decided to continue on until the school holiday because it would be unfair for the children to suddenly have a replacement teacher for only 2 weeks.
as i was thinking back from the day i started....
i've gotten used to so many things.

1. waking up early every morning (even on weekends, i wake up at 6 something and i would have to force myself to fall back asleep. also, i'm proud to say that i don't take naps anymore)
   
2. the routines in school. (i'm not as blur case as the first few weeks)
3. having control of the children. (the children wouldn't listen to me in the beginning)
   

*looking at the bank book....
i realized that it's been a year since we've started saving
and the amount is much more than we expected.
(it'll be much more if we didn't take some of the money for him to enjoy a trip to spore)


*i've received good stuff today.
i thought my day was gonna start off horribly because i had my observation today and i forgot to bring the papers for my mentor to evaluate me.
i was bout to have a mental break down.
i prayed.
immediately, i felt peace for the whole day.
my mentor said i did very good compared to my first observation.


the other good stuff i received today was a conditional offer from deakin university.
i didn't really want to mention much before this, just in case i don't get into the uni.
but apparently, every uni wants your money. so why wouldn't you get in?
so anyway... i got this offer way earlier than expected
because they told me that i would hear from them probably at the end of november.
so.... all i have to do now is to complete my diploma and do ielts.
i got much more than i expected as well.
i got a year of exemption.
i'm not sure whether it's normal for my course or any course but it's definitely a lot for me.
since i'm the kind of person who hates studying,
even the thought of studying.


so that's all the update from me...
you'll definitely not hear anything from him =)

so you would come.

it has been days.
been a week plus.

i've been in an emotional roller coaster.
but most of it all....
i've been feeling the shittiest.
it's been a long time since i've felt like this.
the worst was bout 6 or 7 years ago.
that was the worst.

i never thought that this feeling would come back and haunt me.
i must say that it's not AS shitty as the last time.
but still... it's shitty!
shitty shit shit...!
yeah, loads of shit.
tons of shit.
truckload of shit!



as i was bathing (i know.. weirdest time)
i was reminded of this song
"so you would come"
and this video speaks so much.


"for if you love only those who love you,
what reward is there in that?"


it has been a constant battle.
to say or not to say.
to care or not to care.
to love or not to love.
to talk or not to talk.
to settle or not to settle.
to face it or not to face it.

the battle has not ended.
but i hope it won't last too long.
i don't know whether i can take it anymore.

of it all.

of all the wrong things that i feel has happened.
finally there are some right stuff to make me feel better.

i find that i'm doing quite a good job with the children in school.
i feel that i didn't make a wrong decision in choosing to be a kindy teacher.
though at times the children might not listen,
and i might be too soft and nice.
but hey.... i do see some improvements in a few of the children.


i heard that next year a child wants to be in my class again
and another was so happy to see me,
she hugged me and shouted "Good morning teacher esther"
2 boys in my class loves to sit beside me.


today a girl who NEVER has the patience to wait for me.
(the children seriously thinks that i'm an octopus. they think that i can help ALL of them at the same time. and when i say wait, they'll go and mess up some part of the class)
so this girl that i was talking bout.... when i say waitt........ she'll sulk, continuously shoving her work at my face, and keeps calling "teacher....teacher....teacher" (like a broken record)
but today, when i asked her to wait and sit down, she sat there quietly.
looking at her other friends making a mess in the class.
she didn't make any noise.
no shoving of work at my face.
she was such a good girl.
and when i finally helped her, she said "thank you teacher for helping me"
i was so happy.
suddenly all the sadness and depression left.
the wonders of what a lil child could do.....

they can piss you off but they can also make you the happiest person.

verb.

love is a verb.
you just have to do it.
yeah.
right.


if it was the right thing?
why do i feel so shitty now?
i feel that even God also don't wanna hear from me now.

***************

on a different and happier note....


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR KAI CHEH!

sorry... this is the latest picture i have with u.

myob.

when will it end?
will it ever end?


i'm very happy to leave now... in a sense
but what if i don't leave.
what am i gonna do?
hide in one corner every single time?
think bout it and cry over and over again?
put up a happy front but inside i'm actually crying?



i've decided not to care.
the best thing is not to care anymore.
what's the point?
the only person who will hurt from this is me.
so why do i wanna hurt myself more?
what's the point in caring anymore?
what's the point....
everything is in vain.



the one thing i've learned from this is....


MINE YOUR OWN BUSINESS




the best thing to do from now on is to shut up.
don't say anything until it has been mentioned
yeah.
that's the best thing to do.


i'll never wanna be hurt like this again.

a time & season.

it was wrong.
timing, approach.
done without much thought.
but it was over the limit.
it was just too much to handle.
it's something beyond the ordinary.
it doesn't happen very often in one's world.
actually, not at all.
so what to do.
what to say.
how to react.

so much knowledge,

but where is it?
chose to neglect it?
okay, fine, understood.
but must it be now?


can't help but be in those shoes.

a month and a little more.

as my title says, i've been working for a month plus now and it certainly doesn't feel like it. when i first started, everything was a blur. every teacher seems to know what to do and where to go.... everyone except me. i have 2 friends who's working at the same place, doing teaching practice as well and a few seniors who's now working there full time. i started later than my friends because i went for my awesome Melb trip =) heheheheh

in the beginning, i was dreading it. mainly because i would rather like to PLAY than work or study and also because.... school ends at 11.20 or 11.30 am. i officially finish work at 1.15 pm. there i was thinking, what am i gonna do until i finish work. the first few weeks, i didn't have much to do. i just help out with whatever i can. time still pass super fast but not as fast as it is now. it's unbelievable. literally, in a blink of an eye, school is over and i'm rushing to clean up the class and pack up. also, i have more work now. i'm preparing more stuff for class.

now, i can safely say that i'm definitely getting used to this. i've gotten used to the routine of it all. everything has changed. i didn't understand why everyone said studying is better than working. but now i get it. when you're studying, you can be lazy and skip class. but not when you're working. you can't be lazy and decide not to go to work... ESPECIALLY when you're a teacher. there is a benefit to working. THE PAY. on the other hand, studying has a different kind of stress. the assignments and exams. both of which i really hate. so actually both has its pros and cons to me. still on the fence bout this issue

also, currently i'm known as the "ah ma". he calls me ah ma because i sleep REALLY REALLY early now. the latest for me is 11 pm and that also i'm complaining that it's difficult to get up the next day hahaha so after i post this up and shooooo him home. ah ma is going to sleep =)

just the way you are.

it's been a while since we've updated. everyday i come here and i wish it's updated but i've been lazy. it's gonna be a month since i came back from Melb and also since i've started my teaching practice. the trip was so enjoyable that i didn't wanna go home but i have to....

i wanted to post up photos taken in Melb but i've decided not. too lazy. will find a day to post it in FB. this past week flew by so quickly. i was thinking back of what i've done so far and couldn't think of anything that was meaningful. i'm just lazing through the whole holiday. there's so many things that needs to be done but i'm just too lazy to do it. ah! this is bad... this is really really bad.

holiday is gonna end soon and i better get something done. i thought of making "to-do lists" but i'm not sure whether it'll work. i'll try it out tmr and we'll see how it goes. i've never written one before. haha!

so bout my teaching practice...... it has been tough and challenging. there are so many requirements and so many things to do that i'm starting to wonder whether i'm in the right place. but when i see the children, i know that i chose the right course just that i'm not sure whether i should be working in a kindy or rather this particular kindy that i'm in. oh wells. we'll see after my teaching practice.


i guess i'll just post up one photo. since it's my brother's birthday

happy birthday my dear brother
missing you =)

everyday.

there's advantages and disadvantages to spending everyday together with the same person for 4 years. i must admit that during the 1st part of our 1st year, we were adjusting to our new roles that we rarely spend time with each other except in church of course. but as we got used to the idea of having another person to care for in our lives, we naturally drew closer to each other. we would plan our schedules that would kind of coincide together. it seems that as the months passed, we would see more of each other and soon.... we saw each other everyday. as long as we are free, you would find the both of us together.

there are some perks when we see each other so often. we could enjoy each others company while running errands or help each other with assignments and revision for exams. but when we spend so much time together, we barely have enough time with our friends. unless of course, during dinners or birthday celebrations. but other than that, whatever that we use to do with our friends, we do it with each other now.

even when he started working, before or after his shift, he'll come find me. we would spend any free time together.

so now... having time apart from each other for 10 days seems like a million years. i wonder how it'll be like. i guess tmr we'll know. i think it wont be as bad for me cuz i'll be enjoying in a different place while he's stuck here, going through the routines of life.

I'll miss you badly, baby

spore trip #2.

i failed to mention that on the way to the airport the morning of our trip, i had very BAD tummy ache that we HAD to stop at the nearest petrol station. thank God that the pain only came when we were approaching a petrol station. after that, when we reached the airport and were finding for a parking, the tummy ache came again. once done, went to the counter to wait for it to open so that we can check in. while waiting, tummy ache kept coming and going. boy, was i excited or what for the trip! excited beyond words!

i didn't even have mood to be excited bout the trip. all i did was prayed anxiously for God to take the tummy ache away.once checked in, said bye to papa cuz it's our trip now. scanned around for the nearest toilets just in case i needed to go again. decided to go into the boarding area instead of hanging around outside. BORING! once in, tummy ache again. after that.... no more tummy aches! thank God! managed to be overcome with excitement for the trip once we were boarded on the plane with no signs of tummy ache.

i just realized that the tummy aches only came when we were able to find a toilet. i guess in a way God is helping me so that i won't shit in my pants. my one and only pants because my mum took my luggage when she went back the weekend before. phew! now, i'll pray that the same thing wouldn't happen when i'm going to Melb.

our fav. MOS burger
sigh i miss it badly =(


went to sentosa after MOS burger
because it was our anniversary...
so decided to spend some quality time instead of shopping from one mall to another

once you walk in, you'll get to see a feeding area filled with scary sting ray's that would come to the side because they know ppl will feed them
then there's this thing called "magic t" where you can stuff your hands in the glass to touch the fishes. which i will NEVER do.
but he wanted to do it.

we waited in line on the wrong bus... we were supposed to go on the blue line
can you see the red dot there? it's called a sea angel. literally.
it's SO small then they provide a magnifying glass on the viewing window.
it swims like an angel.

do you see me in the dome like thing called "critters of the deep"
well, there's one thing you should know bout me.
i'm TERRIBLY afraid of fishes and what nots.
when i go to a pet shop, i fear that all the aquariums will burst and all the fish would fall on me
(ugh! just the thought of it makes me shiver)
but since we payed good money to go into underwater world, i decided to soak in whatever that they have for me.
then we saw the dome.
looked so cool.
he said...
"why don't you go in there to take a picture?"
so i decided to get in there, waited for my turn, smelled all the body odor, crawled on wet carpet just to take a photo.
when i got out, guess what i saw?
yes, those creatures there in the other picture
i WANTED to scream.... but i guess i shouldn't right?
he was SO surprised that i was so enthusiastic bout all the fishes
YEAH RIGHT!!!!
it's because we payed so much!

this was the real reason we came into underwater world.
to see pink dolphins.
claire was right, they do look a lil sick.
but PINK dolphins...?
who could resist
they were so mischevious, constantly swimming up to the platform even before the show started
i was like a lil girl on Christmas morning

the skyride was scary yet fun.
it was quite an experience.
managed to snap the photo with the words when it was slightly drizzling,
once we reach the tram station,
it poured HEAVILY.
luge ride was absolutely enjoyable!
i didnt wanna do it at first cuz i thought it was go-kart.
oh was i wrong...!
it was fun but yet it was like pee-in-your-pants scary.
i did it for him...
at least he enjoyed it

now... this is the main reason why we went to sentosa.
"Songs of the sea"
we were kiasu like the sporeans.
endured the long queue, just to get good seats.

thank God that on our last day in spore,
it was the first day for the Robinsons expo.
rushed there earlier.. managed to get some last minute stuff.
added to the amount where we could claim GST's.
and we returned with really AWESOME buys.

saying goodbye to spore.
we were privileged to meet Minnie on the plane =P
we will definitely go back there in the near future... i hope.
unless there's a reason for us to SERIOUSLY tighten our belts ;)

spore trip.

i figured that i should post of the photos from the spore trip before my trip to Melb because i believe by the end of THAT trip i would have another round of photos.

as of today, i'm proud to say that i've finished 2 final papers. last one on friday. then i'm off gallivanting in the land down under.

by this time next week, i'll be blissfully walking in the cold winter air.i thank God that i could answer every question today. it was not as killer as the monday paper mainly because i knew my stuff. this time round, i took my time... sat through the whole 2 and 1/2 hours of exam. fingers were painful because i was writing so much.

i still can't believe that it's down to my final paper. wonder how life will be like without exams and assignments. but i would have "exams" and "assignments" in work. i would have to prepare lesson plans and the likes.

thanks to kay, j-anne, winson, anton, and andrea for this game
it entertained us for the few hours that was spent waiting to board the plane

our boarding gate


his and her favorite colors

ppl would endure the long queue just for this cuppa
it's a must try for him

i think i ate this every morning
looking at this makes me miss it =(

let's just fall in love again.

after 4 years,
as i look at him,
i fell in love with him again.

the things that he would do for me,
enduring my temper.
help me with my crafts for my lesson.
encouraging me.



i used to have a list.
a rather long list of my future boyfriend & husband.
and i can say,
that i'm truly blessed to have someone even better than my imaginations.
God knows what the both of us need
and He gave me more than i ask for.

he's truly someone i can be myself with.
doing all the silly nonsense together
and he accepts me for who i am.
we have so much in common
but yet we are totally different.

as the years pass,
i've grown more and more in love with him.
he's truly someone i can count on
be it sunny or rainy days.



thanks for loving me darling!

final.

the day is near...
after 2 & 1/2 years of studying in a college that is TOTALLY sucky,
i'm finally studying for my very last exams.
but that is until the day i decide that i should further my studies.

every semester,
the college does a survey,
at the end of the survey,
they would ask whether i would recommend the college to my friends,
and every single time,
i'll tick NO!

you wanna know why?????


because after 2 years,
after studying there for months,
after TONS of exams that i've gone through,
they tell me that i don't have a file there.
as in they don't have my past details.
where i've studied,
my enrollment form.
nothing!
zilch!

and noww....
they're rushing me for my details.
before my written exam on Monday.
i call in to ask with the telephone number that they've included at every end of the emails,
and guess what?

"Nombor ini tiada dalam perkhidmatan"

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....!!!!


that my friends,
is why i WILL NEVER recommend the college to anyone i know






*phew*
okay
now i'm done complaining.
gonna go write my notes to study

pain.

argh!
it's been a while since i've gotten gastric
cuz i've been eating regularly.

but on monday,
we were so excited about tennis that i forgot bout food.
i lost all sense of logic

we played at around 7 something until 10.
when i say "we"...
i mean the guys were dominating the court
while us, girls, sat around and only managed to play a little.
think the guys couldn't stand us
cuz we couldn't control our strength and the direction of the ball

about 10 something we went to the new USJ Murni
i ate roti hawaii and some tom yam mee raja
note: roti is VERY hard to digest and spicy tom yam is just WRONG for my empty stomach
so on sat,
the whole day i had EXTREMELY bad gastric
it's so bad that i vomited
i've never ever gotten such a bad case of gastric before
and normally i would be well after eating honey
but nope....
this time it's taking a lil longer cuz now i'm still having slight gastric

sigh don't know whether i should play tmr =(
but i want to.....

i wanted to write bout our trip to spore
but i guess it'll have to wait...
i was also supposed to write my notes and study too
but i just can't
ARGH
tmr i shall start studying

at last.

today was my last day of class EVER.
it was bittersweet.
i didn't know how to react
whether to be happy or sad.
i have one more assignment to hand in,
my very LAST assignment.

2 and 1/2 years have gone past in a blink of an eye.
went through many ups and downs
fought with group members,
even now,
there are still people who don't do their part.
after 2 years, they say they don't know how to do
really don't know what to say to them anymore.

today being the last class,
i asked myself
do i feel relieved that it's over
or should i continue on studying?
dilemma dilemma

relieve hasn't come to me yet
probably when exams are over
but now....
it feels weird
because i'm the kind of person who just like to play
i'm only serious when it comes to assignments and exams
so now, when i have to start working
i don't know how it'll be like
it's a whole different ball game

when i asked him whether i should continue my studies
then he said
"do you want to get married faster or not?"
bah
nonsense
ah!
let me get through my exams and practicum first

*******

on a lighter note,

we went to sekinchan last month for his friend's wedding
it was a long drive
longer than we expected

think this year we traveled more together
went to malacca (where i drove outstation for the first time)
then to sekinchan
and singapore (for my birthday and our anniversary)

it's too far away
but you're suppose to see the padi field

padi field again



let me end this post
with a photo of my dog