Love Is.. Christmas Spectacular

At Bridge Church, they have a Christmas Spectacular production that is usually held before Christmas. On Christmas day there's only 1 hour service and that's it. This year the theme is Love Is and they had 4 productions, 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday.

I've never been to any of the productions because usually I'll be back in KL once my summer break starts. So this year is new and special to us because we're spending it here. 

He was offered a chance to serve for the production and coincidentally he got the role of vision mixer. I was trying to be the encouraging and supportive wife, however, on the day of the Christmas Spectacular I couldn't keep it in anymore.

It was a battle and conflict inside of me. On one hand, I was happy that he has the opportunity to serve. To vision mix (which is what he did in Astro before he had to leave it to come to Melb with me). On the other hand, I was miserable. I felt lonely. I felt that he agreed to serve without even discussing it with me. You see....the people who served had to do all 4 services. And we've argued about making decisions without consulting one another beforehand as well. So, I was trying to be fine with it. After all, he's serving God, doing things in church. But I couldn't shake this sad and lonely feeling inside.

Before he came to Melb, I went to church on my own. Then when my brother rededicated his life, we went to church together. Once we came to Melb together after the wedding, in a month or so, we decided that we want to volunteer. Him in production and me in Children's Church. Usually we'll serve on the 1st service on Sunday then stay back for the 2nd service. However, his production slowly required him to serve for both services. So, I was back to being alone in the service. 

After a while, I felt like he's settling down in church more than me. I only serve once a fortnight and he serves twice a fortnight. Also, his work already takes up a lot of time. Sometimes when I get up for work, he's still sleeping and when he gets back from work, I'm sleeping. 

So over time, the emotions kept gathering up causing me to be overly dramatic whenever he doesn't have much time to spend with me. 

All in all, it was enough to say that the outcome of my outburst on Saturday might have caused him his role in the Christmas Spectacular. He did once on one of the productions on Saturday and on Sunday, he was not needed. 

I really don't know how to solve this problem. We are still trying to figure out what would be best for the both of us. I don't know. Maybe once we settle down in church, it'll be better because then I might have friends to sit with. I don't know. I still feel like a stranger in this church. Maybe we need to find a smaller one? Sigh. I really don't know