going in circles

Occasionally I would have random thoughts and when the husband is around at that time, I'll share them with him. Over the past few years, I've been constantly having the same thoughts but I managed to push them into the back of the shelf. Last year, however, it came back full blast and now, whenever my mind is too free, my mind can't stop reeling. 

You know how some people always say that life isn't perfect? Well, I agree with it to a certain extent.

Having the opportunity to be here in Melbourne and being married is kinda perfect but every other thing is not. I kinda believe that sometimes for 1 good thing in my life, it'll be countered with 1 bad thing. Take for the fact that I'm still studying at the age of 2X (which shall not be mentioned because I'm kinda embarrassed) where else all my other friends or those younger than me have a few years of working experience or some other friends are so successful, they can plan a luxurious wedding or travel the world. Having said that, some of them have not even found "the one" or aren't even married yet but I'm happily married and kinda living an average life.

Also, our marriage is going quite well actually. We both like almost the same things, expect the same things from each other, and have similar personalities. Yet, sometimes I wished that he had a different job. A job that has more stable working hours as compared to now. Even when we started dating, he mentioned that he didn't want a 9-5 kinda job. It didn't matter that much to me back then but now... I just wish he had the normal 9-5 kinda job. It's just so hard to plan time to spend together. He mostly gets home late, either by 12 am or 1.30 am. Then he needs to shower, eat, and rest a little bit before we can sleep; I can only wait up for him on days where I'm going to uni or working the next day. Some days we won't even get to talk face to face because when I get up, he's asleep or when he comes back from work, I'm asleep.

At times I look at other people's life and pinpoint certain parts of their life that I wish I had but yet, I realize that their lives have flaws in them as well. Be it health, loneliness, depression, etc etc

So sometimes I ask myself, which part of my life am I willing to give up in order to get my "perfect" life. Would it be good health in exchange for a wealthier life?
Would it be the husband in exchange for career?
Would it be time for myself in exchange for more stable working hours?

I'm sure God is letting me go through these things for a certain reason. I just feel like these thoughts come about because I'm feeling discontented with my life. Maybe I'm failing to see the silver lining in my life. I think my eyes are just clouded with all the imperfections in my life that I can't seem to find anything good.

No wonder I like ferris wheels and carousels because once again, I'm going in circles