stupid

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THAT DAVID COOK WON!

STUPID DAVID COOK!

back to reality

camp was really really awesome
i had fun with my roommate (more pics to come)
had fun with him
i had fun playing monopoly, laughing till our stomachs hurt, shouting and screaming at each other
had fun getting to know andrea, anton, and j-tsen
most of all.... i had fun in God's presence
i definitely enjoyed that the most
even though we were all dead tired cuz of the long days and late nights with no afternoon naps, we still managed to hear from God
still managed to enjoy His presence

i'm happy to say that i got the answers to my questions
God spoke and i thank God for that
this time round, i was kinda sad
this is my 3rd or 4th time going for family camp without my family
but i felt it all the more because my mum is away in spore working
not to say i don't have my family there
i have my cousins, aunty, uncles but still it couldn't fill the gap in my heart

we stayed in grand kampar hotel
it's quite grand la... haha
really nice place
it's still kinda new la.... that's why it's still looking nice
i think i'll give it a few more years then it'll look quite horrible
haha.. i'm so horrible
but i really do miss camp
i miss the place
i miss the company
i miss everything bout camp
i miss being able to see friends and kevin 24/7

truly i appreciate this 4 days away
away from the temptations
from the troubles in life
from the routine stuff that i've been doing
i got to be away from my normal life for 4 days
i really really REALLY enjoyed this camp
it has been a refreshing time
a truly enjoyable time with friends, family, and God

coming back, i realize that i only have today and tomorrow to enjoy before all hell breaks lose
i actually started my classes already
i missed the orientation on monday as well as today's class
my first class will be on thursday
my classes are on monday, tuesday, thursday, and friday
what's worse is that i don't have class on the only day that i need to be in subang
i told kevin that i'm depressed
that i have to be back to reality
sigh
still depressed

please pray for me
i really want a breakthrough in life
i need a change in my life right now
i can't stand who i am, what i'm doing, and even what i've not been doing
i need the grace of God upon my life




on another note.....
kevin won't be updating as often cuz he doesn't have internet connection anymore
he has been having some problems and his mum decided to just cancel it

no urge

no urge whatsoever to write any post this few days. even kevin doesn't have the desire to write a new one. anyway... just wanted to write an emo post. but he just called forcing me to pack because tmr have to wake up really really early in the morning. gonna be in church at bout 8-8.30. i know. crazy right? and i havent packed anything yet. more updates when i get back from camp then! =) take care!

lost

hmmm... somehow i dont have the urge to do anything anymore

is it because my brains hasn't "worked" for 5 months or more?

i've been really lazy to do the laundry, hang my iron-ed clothes

basically, i only do the usual stuff for me to survive

i don't do anything unusual anymore

i can't wait for family camp.

i can't wait for a fresh touch

i feel like i need a doctor to charge the machine to 200

like my heartbeat has a flat rate and i need something to shock me back to life
(sorry to much grey's anatomy. i even dream about grey's)

ugh. i have no idea what am i talking about

i just cant wait till family camp (24th - 27th of may)

think i better stop talking nonsense now.

brains not functioning

a slight glimpse of motherhood

got a call on thursday from eve. finding for a baby sitter. without hesitation, i said yes. he was the most excited one. couldn't wait to take care of her. couldn't wait to play with her. couldn't wait to make her smile or laugh. it was my 2nd time baby sitting her. the last time was about a year ago when they first moved into their current house.

i wouldn't say it was THAT tough cuz i didnt have to change her diapers and such. but i wouldn't say it was easy cuz it's never easy taking care of kids.


my job:

1. reheat & feed her porridge
   
2. change, wash, wipe her after the playground
   
3. entertain her so that she won't make noise cuz dax need to study
   
4. put her to sleep
   

this was her a year ago

and now......
the ever cheeky, cute, shy baby
he, 2 year old
she, 1 year old

following evelyn's instructions, we took her out till it was almost dark. we were the last ones to leave the playground. when every mother took their child in for dinner.

actually there's another nicer one
with her smiling and looking at the camera
but i look so ugly
ewwwwwww

finally
bed time
i kept wondering why she was crying
then dax came down to make her milk
cheh!

after 30 mins of walking around, patting her backside, trying to pass her to kevin
realizing that i shouldn't walk around
should just sway her on the same spot
she finally slept
the best time ever

we were reminiscing back to the time when we visited evelyn in the hospital. he telling her not to give birth yet. wait till after 12 am so that danielle can have the same birthday as him. overjoyed that he got his wish.

visiting danielle in their old house
she was less than a month old
she looked absolutely different back then
how much she has grown

he was wishing that he can sleep too
but he had to prepare for his presentation the next day

finally gave up preparing and decided to disturb her
he was so going to get it if she woke up

we realized that we didn't take a picture carrying her like what we did about a year ago
hence, her in the background

seeeee.....
mistake
ish

thanks babe for being there

thanks for helping to entertain her

after a while she didnt want him (she only wanted him at the playground)
after that, whenever he wanted to carry or touch her, she turned towards me
felt so good being wanted hehehe
we laughed at her antics, funny faces, and noises
it was even funnier when alex & li ann came with larissa to collect the guitar
or when he turned off the tv

internet connection

never did i feel that my life depended on internet connection until the day i couldn't go online. it started on monday, when the connection was slowing down and soon enough, i could not go online for what felt like a million years. we later found out from the streamyx guy that it's cuz of our modem. guess it got fried or something. han lian replaced it yesterday. the joy and the excitement that i felt could NEVER be explained nor described. i was so damn happy when i could finally go online. i had to stop myself (literally telling myself off) and go to bed if not i would wake up late this morning.

however, i did woke up late. reason is because me and my mum has switched numbers *no longer using my number* so when we switched i didn't know it would affect my phone as well. therefore, my time was 30 minutes slower than msian's. when i called kevin this morning, he was so worried, wondering where was i. i nonchalantly said that it's still early and i have lots of time in the world. soon i found out that no...i do not have all the time in the world and i'm late cuz it's 8.30 (the time when i'm suppose to reach his house) goshhhh!!! i flew like a mad woman. pushing my small-little-kelisa to it's limits (nah, not really. haha. still wanted my life) how i wish i was driving the altis or sonata. sheesh.


anyway.... i don't know why am i talking bout this morning. i guess i have alot on my mind. alot of things i wanna say. ie. my pangkor trip, my week, the starting of my college, my plans, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. i have loads to write but somehow my mind can't sort things out. it's all jumbled up and i have no idea which is which. bahs. i think i need a checklist




#1
pangkor trip 1st-3rd may

it's been a week since we've been back. still recovering from my sunburn. it's peeling and it's gross and i don't want another sunburn ever again! no way! on our 2nd day we stayed on the beach literally the whole day. no staying out in the sun for more than 30 mins for me anymore. somehow i miss the laid back feeling, enjoying friend's company, and the beach. but i don't miss the toilet, the room, the long walk we have to take before reaching the beach, the dirty-ness, the heat, the sun, the yucky feeling. but after all that's happen, i would say that it was an AWESOME trip.


friendship was made and strengthened
joy was the only emotion
smiles was the only thing plastered on our face
ALL of us came back looking like we stayed on the beach instead of the resort
tons of photos taken
most importantly, memories was made


here's some of the pics i took with my phone

the comfy bus chair
but the return bus wasn't as comfy
we had space to recline our seats
and have leg rest as well
kinda like those ikea sofa's

waiting for the ferry

they were waiting for me!
oh joy!
what a pleasant surprise

#2
my week

i'll write bout my week in another post. tons to write bout that

one of the things that happen to us transporting his old, pokey bed to those huge dumpsters. (if not he'll never do it) those that will be outside renovating houses? yeah those. i have no idea why the houses near his place keeps renovating. guess subang ppl are really rich huh? we asked one of the construction guys but he didn't allow us to throw it there and asked us to donate it to the homes. but we thought otherwise cuz no one would want an old, pokey, gives-u-massage kinda bed

so we went on a search. we drove around with him holding on to the bed. drove at bout 20-30 km/hour. haha. it was super funny la. felt like one of those mr. bean episodes. where he buys loads of household stuff from a warehouse sale and he drives on top of his car with the help of his new chair, mop, and a can of paint. we felt like that. we were laughing our heads off when we passed by ppl but apparently they weren't amused by us.

finally we found one of those dumpsters near his old apartment after a long time. we parked super near it. he quickly got out of the car, slided his bed into the dumpster, and we sped off. okay la. maybe not sped off but it was a good attempt





#3
my college "life"

well, i thought i would have my college orientation tmr cuz that's what they told me. however that's not the case. it's suppose to be the 26th of may. when she told me, i was like oh okay! yay! longer holiday for me! cuz i'm so not ready going back to studying after months of holiday. then when i told the yf leader's yesterday, they were like isn't it the 2nd last day of family camp? my goodnesss...... light bulb moment! awwwwww mannnnn. means i need to plan on how i'm coming back and going back to camp. sheesh la! idiots! *breathe in breathe out* i'm sure God has a reason to why He's putting me through this. but i don't know why????????????

#4
my plans, my thoughts, my feelings

this is where it's all jumbled up. haha. actually my brain has stopped "functioning" for quite some time i have no idea how am i gonna cope with my studies. sigh. die la! the only time it functioned was when i was helping kevin with his assignment. ugh! die die die

Have to be sure

During praise and worship this morning, everything was fine until a thought came into my mind during that time.. suddenly i felt i wasn't sure of my salvation and i started to flash back the memories of my Christian journey and how it begun.. the doubt of me having eternal life in heaven with Jesus Christ was all up my mind and it felt scary..

...I came to know Jesus Christ when i was really small.. started to go church with my family since young but i only understand Jesus Christ as a mere head knowledge at that time.. and came me at 12 years old i think, i was water baptist.. i thought every Christian should go through water baptism and so i did it.. but at the age of 15, i sincerely said the sinners prayer with my cg leader witnessing there and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour to wash away my sins and receive this gift of eternal life (heaven). since then, i know for sure that i do not understand Jesus Christ as just a mere head knowledge but understand that i have a relationship with Him. And i know for sure i'm having eternal life in heaven with Jesus Christ when its time...

So, I was really sure of my salvation at that time, at the age of 15.. but like i said earlier, the doubt of having eternal life came in my mind during the praise and worship this Sunday morning.. so questions like will i go to heaven even i was water baptist before i sincerely said the sinners prayer and accept Jesus Christ? i was really scared and really want to know the answer.. still, i was in doubt.. then i asked myself again, will it be the devil trying to sow doubtfulness of my salvation into my mind at that time? i thought the devil cannot be where God's presence is? surely God's presence was there when we sing praises and worship God during that time.. so why am i having this doubt all of a sudden?

I cannot assume that I have the eternal life.. I have to be sure.. i'll just need to pray and ask God for the confidence of my salvation.. life on earth is just temporial, our body is just a flesh.. what more important is where our soul and spirit will go after our life on earth.. where will we be spending eternity is far more important that all these temporial things on earth now..

I'm still having doubts now.. and still have no answers to the questions mentioned above.. would really love to know the answers.. don't know whether is normal to feel this way or not.. this song is my prayer to God..