this little light of mine

where has God been leading you to shine the light of Jesus? what's holding you back?







after family camp, i've made it a point to do QT every morning. whenever i'm lazy to do it, i keep telling myself that i'll be missing a whole lot of what God wants to tell me. God never fails to amaze me. yesterday, during EE, timothy asked us to share to our friends from now on and i was asking God "aww man. God.... why? i've just started in SEGi college and now U want me to share to my friends there? what if they reject me and they ask everyone [i have bout 56-57(including me) in my class. but we're splitting to half soon] to stay away from me. then i'll be in the college with no friends."


guess what....? today's verse was matthew 5:11-16. the first verse itself was saying that it is a blessing when people insult, persecute, and falsely say all kinds of evil against u cause of God. wah wah wah....! it's a blessing when people do that arrr... my spiritual side goes YAYYYYYY!!! but my human side goes no way no way. not gonna go through that.


it goes on talking bout the lighthouse story. what's its purpose for sailors. lighthouses were not built to be admired, they were built to guide sailors to safety. without light, lighthouses are useless.


there are times when we feel useless to everyone, including God. we begin to forget that Jesus said we are the light of the world, whether we feel like it or not. Jesus said that we shouldn't hide lights under baskets; neither should we "hide" them by spending time only with fellow believers.



it's so much easier isn't? just spending time with those who believe in the same thing that we do. one thing that i asked God before starting my college life again was to give me all pre-christian friends. that way i can't come up with an excuse of not having friends to share to. and now, when i have a mixture but mostly pre-christian friends, i'm afraid to share with them. afraid of rejection. what nonsense right?

busy busy

busy busy busy busy... with what? i don't know. don't ask me. i seem to enjoy filling my time with "nonsense" (nonsense = games, blogs, sleep, lepaking, watching grey's, etc) and not doing things that i should do. awww man. i'm committing a sin of omission am i...? sheesh. i'm just glad that today is over. taught in cradle roll which i wasn't VERY prepared for. bahs.


so anyway, i just realized that this week is gonna be week 3 in SEGi college for me. 3 weeks since i've been in that college....! seriously time flies huh?? my lecturer said that from week 3 onwards, the tutorial as well as the workload will start. and filling my day with nonsense certainly has to stop soon...... REAL SOON. same goes with laziness and procrastination

3 weeks and i have no idea where the computer lab is. i had no idea where was the library until i had a class on friday and my lecturer told us to go to the library and explore cuz she said if not, some of us won't explore at all. hahaha. that was my first time walking around the library. seriously. things are so different from kdu. i always thought kdu's facilities are pretty small and lousy. wait till u see SEGi's. haha.

anyway... just thought i wanna write something here. maybe write some rubbish or nonsense or something for u guys to read. brain is slowly shutting down. so guess this is where i'll stop. i'll write bout bird park and other stuff some other day. now, i just wanna sleep and dream that i have my months of holiday back. ugh!

no comments

hmmm... this blog is really dead huh? compared to the first time we started this blog. well, can't do much bout it. he doesn't have internet connection.... yet. i'm struggling with life as a student again. feels weird studying again. having to find friends all over again. trying to fit in again. doing everything again. sheesh. hate this kinda changes. i hate changes.

i was watching grey's this morning. and it was talking bout letting go of the person u love. sometimes it's easy and sometimes it hurts so bad that u end up in square one. well, for me, i feel like i'm holding on to him real tightly. not sure whether he can breathe.

i really wish i can let him go and find his and my own set of friends
i wish that i can let him go to do the works of God
i wish that i can let him go so that i don't have to worry about everything, every single second of the time


i worry too much
i think too much
i do everything too much
sheesh



i'm never good at managing my time wisely. always feeling busy but actually i'm not.

i'm never good at making or keeping friendships cuz i just suck at it

i'm never good at expressing how i feel cuz i "ENJOY" keeping everything inside

i'm never good at trusting people cuz i'm afraid to be hurt

i'm never good at doing things consistently cuz after a while....... i'm too lazy






shucks. from a normal post i manage to turn it into an emo post. think i better stop now before i start feeling depressed. no no no.... I MUST THINK POSITIVELY!!!! DON'T WORRY. STOP WORRYING! STOP THINKING SO MUCH!



cia..... i've failed. i keep forgetting to say something positive after i say something negative.

a month plus

it's been a month and few days since my mum left to spore to work. time has certainly passed fast and whoever said that time can heal certainly did not mention how many million years it'll take. i never thought that it would affect me. thought that i could have all the freedom that i have been longing for. but now when i've gotten the so-called long-awaited "freedom", i've realized that i would rather trade it for my family.

my home definitely do not feel like a home now. what with wing lian being away in aussieland, mum in spore, han lian distant, my father.... well, still the same i guess. and for me..... missing how my family used to be.

no family is ever perfect. surely there'll be fights, misunderstandings, hate, hurt, etc etc. i never knew how much i would miss it. now all i have is pin-drop silence. u must be thinking "is she crazy??? she wants all those back?? i would give anything to take it away" yeah yeah. sure. say that. wait till u don't have it anymore. then....come back and let me know what u think yeah?

now with my mum gone and only coming back on most weekends (my father will go over if she's not coming back)
i don't have anyone......
to nag me to fold the clothes (in the end she'll fold the clothes)
to iron my clothes
then she'll nag me to hang up the ironed clothes
to clean up my room a little
to come home earlier cuz it's dangerous to drive alone at night
to eat those "expensive" medicines that she bought
to drink the woman soup (yucks!)
to do something more productive than to play my comp games


sigh... i miss my family

Maxis or tmnet

guys..



sorry for not been updating this blog.. this is cause there is no internet connection in my house anymore.. i think its about a month already.. hence, no update on the blog and less checking emails.. but she has been doing my games in facebook.. haha.. thats why you can see there is progress in parking wars and triumph.. hehe..


back to the Internet..



really, our lives today are so dependent on these new media - Internet, mobile phone and withouht them even only just for one day, its really difficult.. so, i've been depending on the traditional media ever since the Internet in my house had been terminated. i've been watching TV regularly especially for updates on news, football transfer news, and soon, it will be for EURO2008 =) GO ESPANYOL..



despite life without internet for the past one month.. i've decided to put back the internet in my house.. this time, i'm thinking of not gonna depend on streamyx anymore and change to Maxis Broadband..

or

Really, tmnet service is really bad.. that's the main reason for the switch.. but at the same time, i don't know how reliable is Maxis Broadband.. for now, my choice is Maxis.. i hope this is the right choice..

i hate this

i hate this
i hate going to a new place
an unknown place
i hate meeting new people
i hate having to find new friends
i hate speaking to strangers
i hate studying
i hate that my holiday is ending
i hate coming back to reality
i hate how i'm feeling now
i hate
i hate
i hate
i hate

HATE

i hate meeting new people cuz i'm shy and i know that the friendship won't last
so what's the point of making friends right?
right?
none of my friendships does
i get close to some people for a moment of time.... then suddenly we're no longer close
i have trouble keeping friendships
i have trouble starting one
sometimes i wish that i'm a social butterfly

i don't want tmr to come
i just want the time to stop
i want camp to last forever
but it can't
the more i want time to pass slowly
the faster it moves
sigh

positive

one thing that i've learnt from camp is that i should speak positively to everyone including myself
somehow i'm finding it really really hard
it has been habitual to me to say it
most of the time it's to kevin
but sometimes i can't stand it
cuz he is really dumb and stupid.... at times


oh God..... help me to speak positively!!